by Aderonke Adebanjo
I had to write this because I get very interesting questions from
time to time. There must be reasons women who want to be in a
relationship are still single, right?
(
Guys, I’m not sure this applies to you because it seems whenever
you’re ready, you can just up and get a relationship. Although, it does
appear that even the guys are having a hard time these days. Is that
true?)
Here are some reasons why I think women are still single these days
(in no particular order)*:
1. You’re not approachable.
Girl, you need to SMILE. Period. Guys need some green-light action so
when they glance over and you don’t smile back, they take it as a
“don’t even think about it” signal. This is what my male friends tell
me. Another reason why you might be unapproachable could be because you
are always surrounded by your girlfriends! Some women don’t know how to
be alone. If you’re always with people how can people walk up to you?
Try going to the movies alone, jogging, taking a walk, and see what
happens…
2. You haven’t figured out your life’s
purpose.
Yup! I always say “before you ask someone to go on a journey with
you, you have to know where you’re going”. In this case, the journey is a
relationship or marriage. You kinda have to know where it is you want
to go in life before you take someone along. We are growing everyday so
you won’t have it all figured out before you pursue a relationship, but
at least you’ll know in which direction you’re headed and that will make
it easier to decide who to go with on the journey.
3. You aren’t meeting NEW people.
Most people’s routines are so rigid and their social circles have
stayed the same for years! They go to work, Church, home, and maybe one
or two places and that’s it. No surprise you ain’t found someone all
this time! You know they say “madness is doing the same thing over and
over again and expecting a different result” I’m not saying you’re mad,
but maybe it’s time to change things up a little bit. How? You ask.
Well, by changing up where you go and going out with a variety of
friends. Have a diverse pool of friends and hang out with different
groups. You’ll probably meet new people that way. Network. Follow up on
business contacts. Tap into all your affiliations not just because you
want a romantic relationship but also because you want richer
friendships and a richer life.
4. The guys around you are straight up not ready!
Yup! ‘Cos girl, you KNOW you got it going on. You’re beautiful,
hardworking, friendly, fun, etc. but the dudes around you are either
SUPER blind, intimidated (in which case it’s okay), or they’re not your
type. So, what do you do in this case? Hmmm, you could try the tips in
#3 and see how that goes
or honey, call on Jesus to order the right
dude’s steps!
5. You’re being unrealistic.
Hmm, this is an interesting one. I believe everyone should have
non-negotiables when it comes to relationships but I guess sometimes the
expectations can be unrealistic. I always say that we put too much
pressure on other human beings to be PERFECT. We really shouldn’t expect
more from others than we are ourselves. My Pastor said something the
other day that was very profound. He said a lot of women are looking for
oak trees (ready-made, already established men) when they should be
looking for acorns (men with potential). I know a lot of women
especially after a certain age don’t want to be with “potential” but
when he said that, I realized that there will be some kind of potential
in the guy that only a woman can bring out. Haven’t you noticed that
when your male friends get married, shortly after they get that
“marriage glow”? I notice it all the time! It’s the woman! She’s
bringing out the best in him. So, ladies, don’t be afraid of potential
anymore. Just get with the kind of potential you are comfortable with.
Phew! So, what do y’all think? What other reasons do you think
explain why women
and men are STILL single?
*These are just observations and from my conversations!
About the author
———-
Aderonke is a radio and television broadcaster, singer,
songwriter, poet, lover of LOVE a.k.a. hopeful romantic(!), and daughter
of God. I enjoy good conversation and a great laugh. You can catch her
on Smooth 98.1FM and on Twitter @aderonkehiica. For more on her views on
relationships, read her blog The Love Chest.
